You heard it here first

“The only competition worthy of a wise man is with himself.”

Moment of Enlightenment.

I’ve fallen off the foundations that I was built on. 

I have recently noticed that I have gotten away from the things that were once crucial to me.

I held people to the same standards that I hold myself to. When people weren’t able to meet these standards, I said that the problem was with me. That my standards were too high and that I needed to take it easy. As a result, I’ve let lackluster performance become adequate. I’ve become satisfied with where I’m at. I’ve lost sight and have let go of my ambition.  

I’ve let other people’s standards for themselves affect the standards that I hold myself to. I have spent too much time comparing myself with everyone else and have gotten to comfortable. A nonchalant attitude I have acquired about my own requirements and aspirations. Simply disregarding what I believe to be sub par; making the excuse ” well i’m doing better than so-and-so”. 

What “so-and-so” are doing does not concern me.

I’ve become so caught up on what is minute, I’ve forgotten what matters.

All that matters is that I keep myself to my standards and my expectation. Nothing anyone else is doing matters. Nothing anybody has to say about what I’m doing matters. All that matters is that I am able to look myself in the face and know that I’m doing what I’m suppose to be doing. 

I am done making excuses, not trying, not caring, feeling satisfied, not doing what I know to do. 

I’m closing my eyes to whatever the multitude is doing. My ears are shut and i’m not listening to what you and the peanut gallery have to say. I am simply working on myself and nothing after that matters.

I’m competing in a league of my own. In this league you only compete with yourself. To make myself better everyday. To push and extend my limits daily. To never be satisfied. Trying to outdo the man I was yesterday.

My only competition is myself.

“Focus on competition has always been a formula for mediocrity.”

P.S.

Tomorrow I will be 20 years old. 
(20 years old?!?!) 

What makes someone a New Yorker?

“Their energy and ability to absorb, deal, and brush off all sorts of nonsense that we New Yorkers are continually confronted with. Also a NYer needs to know how to properly jaywalk, walk quickly on busy streets, and know when to cross regardless of what color the “light” is.”

-Fern Mallis

(Source: New York Magazine)

I will die a lonely man.

I’ve had the recent realization that I will always be lonely. There’s no avoiding it and it’s involuntary. 

As a result of many disappointments, I realize that I trust no one. 

My early childhood was a tough childhood. I spent a lot of time alone, and my parents doing an awful job being married and splitting most defiantly paid it’s toll. After all that dust settled, I was left as a causality of circumstance. I made the best I could with the cards I was given. I’m recently realizing though the price that it actually paid. I’m able to take notice in the wounds I have that never healed. 

As a result, I’ve learned to keep myself company. 

I don’t know how not to be alone. It’s a habit that’s been with me all my life. So everybody has always been at an arms length away. I don’t purposely do so, but it is what happens. 

(Do you understand what I said?!? I dont know how not to be alone…)

I imagine for the people who care for me it’s tough to deal with. Please bear with me and try to understand. 

This isn’t a pity party either; just an assessment of my own character. 

Maybe i’ll be this way forever? Maybe thing’s can change? Maybe someone will show me the way? Maybe I’ll never let anyone tell me differently?

Stay tuned folks.

“I walk a lonely road; the only road that I have ever known.”

“I can’t believe that God put us on this earth to be ordinary.” Lou Holtz

I can’t stand you humans.

Everyone has lost drive. Nobody has any true ambition. People just wake up and tolerate whatever has become of their lives. Everyone is okay with the miniscule role they play in history. Nobody wants to change anything.  Everybody is comfortable with what they have. Nobody is striving for more.

I don’t and can never understand people and their drama. I can’t understand how people get so caught on what I feel is so minor in this life. Talking about who did what, and who’s wearing what. Talking about what girl he was with last weekend, or how they can’t believe she’s talks to them.

You humans are so caught up in your silly lives, and have let go of true substance.

I am on this earth trying to change it for the better. I want our generation to be the greatest generation that ever lived on this planet. I’m want to change the way people think and do things for the rest of our time on this earth. I want to recreate the way human beings see things, and how they go about their problems.

Your drama doesn’t concern me, and it shouldn’t concern you. When you take the time and think how minor and shallow it is maybe you can change. 

Socrates didn’t care about being accepted, Galileo didn’t care about what was trending, and Einstein didn’t let what everybody was around him define who he could be. 

Strive for something more. Want to be better. 

“The price of greatness is responsibility.”  Winston Churchill